When Your Therapist Goes on Maternity Leave
I’m sitting here writing this post on my last day before maternity leave and thinking about the conversations I’ve had with clients about my absence. There is such a wide range of emotions that clients may feel about their therapist going out - you may even be reading this because your therapist is about to have a baby and you’re feeling emotional about it yourself! Let’s break down some of the reactions I’ve seen from clients leading into this maternity leave, as well as my first one about two years ago.
The “Cool I Guess?” Client - I usually get this response from some of my teen clients who are so far away from this stage of life that they don’t really react when I tell them I’m having a baby and don’t really care that I’ll be taking time off. To be fair, for both maternity leaves, I have only taken off about 2 months, which is not a ton of time, so for this type of client, they’re pretty unfazed by the news and typically pause therapy while I’m out. When we pick back up, it’s like nothing happened and we start where we left off.
The “OMG What Does This Mean For Me!?” Client - A very common response from clients who are struggling and rely on therapy as a place to feel heard and supported. Sometimes this reaction is followed by guilt for being “selfish” - except I don’t think it’s selfish at all! To me, it really shows how important the therapeutic relationship is for these clients and I really value that. Typically, I spend more time processing maternity leave with these clients and going over their options to either see someone else or utilize the skills they have learned to make it through the leave without a therapist. Personally, I don’t have a preference as to whether a client sees a different therapist while I’m out or not - I just want them to feel supported and confident that my maternity leave will have minimal impact on them.
The “What Bad Timing!” Client - I get this a lot with my EMDR clients in particular. They may not use those exact words to describe how they feel (if anything, sometimes I feel that way!) but there is this piece about timing being annoying, which is super fair. In several sessions this month, I have had to tell clients that their insights were amazing, but we’d have to pin actual memory reprocessing for when I get back. Sometimes this is a relief because EMDR is hard and they don’t have to do it right away, but sometimes it’s frustrating because they want to make progress and build off momentum they’ve had in sessions. I also get this reaction from clients who have their own big events coming up while I’m on leave, and they feel frustrated, scared, or anxious that they won’t be able to process it with me immediately after. As much as I can try to help them feel prepared ahead of time, it’s definitely not the same as our regularly scheduled sessions.
The “I’ll Be Taking Detailed Notes” Client - This always cracks me up, when clients know I’m going to want the tea when I return and they’re really excited to spill it! I have some clients who literally are planning on keeping a Note going on their phone to be able to share all the things that happen while I’m gone, and truthfully, it’s one of my favorite things about returning from maternity leave. The first week or two is basically catch up with everyone, which is just very fun, both in terms of what I actually missed and seeing how they handled things on their own.
The “You’re Going to be a Great Mom and That’s Emotional for Me” Client - I see this with clients who are working through attachment issues in therapy and find that my having a child brings up a lot of feelings for them. Like Client #2 above, there’s a sense of guilt for “not being happy” for me, which we process with parts work most of the time. Often, there is a part that is happy for me, as well as a part that feels rattled because of their own attachment wounds, and another part that is jealous that my kids get me as a mom when they had a mom or parent who didn’t attune to them or support them the way they feel like I do in therapy. We process how me as a therapist to them is a different part of me than my “mom part” that shows up for my own kids and explore how they can find support outside of therapy while I’m gone, whether that’s through another provider or their own support system.
If you’re reading this and none of these speak to how you’re feeling, that doesn’t mean your reaction is wrong - I just wrote about the types of responses I see most often! When you feel really connected to your therapist and then have to pause seeing them for an extended period of time, it’s bound to bring up some kind of feelings and all of them are perfectly valid. It’s also an emotional time for us too, as we’re really excited to meet our new baby and grow our family, but also have a sense of FOMO about what we’re missing from our clients while we’re out, the quintessential example of “holding both.” Maternity leave in the therapy landscape is complicated and emotional for everyone involved, so make sure to show yourself some grace if you’re finding it difficult to navigate while your therapist is away!
