Eating Disorders on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
I spent the past five days bingeing season four of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives (SLOMW) - and yes, it took me five days because I’m a working mom, sue me - and was really struck by the conversation in the final episode about one of the cast members having an eating disorder. Spoilers ahead!
In this conversation, Layla (age 24) is talking to some of the other girls about how horrible she has been feeling because she is not eating. She talks about weighing herself and feeling like there is something wrong with her, that she will never be small enough. When she tells the girls how much she weighs after making that statement, they audibly gasp, and it becomes abundantly clear that this is more than just body image issues, but more along the lines of a full blown eating disorder. Layla talks about having anorexia in high school and how many of those behaviors have come back since having children because she is constantly struggling to feel good enough, starting with her divorce and then when noticing the other moms of MomTok getting opportunities while she wasn’t.
I loved how honest and raw this conversation was and I knew it was honest because I have heard the same things almost verbatim from clients in my office. Layla said that she puts all of her self-worth into her image and even turned to a GLP-1 to help her lose “some of that stubborn weight,” weight that she didn’t actually need to lose. She talked about how she felt “a dopamine hit” when she was so thin that people would ask if she was okay but is now scared because the goal posts keep moving and she doesn’t know how to stop what she is doing. She’s exhausted every day from not eating and when she goes to bed, her body physically hurts because there’s not enough fat to cushion it.
This poor girl is struggling so hard and her friends responded with both concern and compassion. When she told the girls her weight and the physical symptoms she has been experiencing, one of them (Jessi) straight up tells her, “That’s not healthy.” I love that kind of compassionate accountability in a support system because Layla needs to hear a voice that counters that of her eating disorder. I can only imagine the pressure Layla feels to be thin and beautiful in order to get branding deals but she is clearly sacrificing her health in order to do that. Her friends even go with her to an eating disorder treatment facility so that she could get assessed to determine what kind of help she needs. Since the episode came out last week, Layla has spoken publicly that she is actively in therapy for her eating disorder and is no longer taking the GLP-1.
My hope is that the women and girls that watch this show who may be struggling with their body image, disordered eating or an eating disorder will end up seeking help like Layla did. It’s so easy in today’s world to see someone on Instagram and think their life is perfect and maybe some viewers thought that about Layla. If you’re reading this and resonated with Layla’s story but don’t know what to do next, here are a few things you can do:
Tell someone you trust. One of the things eating disorders do really well is isolate you from your loved ones. It’s the best way to ensure you don’t hear any other kinds of logic other than what the eating disorder is telling you.
Find a therapist and dietitian that specialize in treating eating disorders. Check out their websites to make sure they treat eating disorders as a speciality, use language about Health At Every Size (HAES), and are well-versed in collaborating with treatment teams, including those in treatment centers. Having a collaborative, specialized team is critical to getting the care you need. Check out my page about eating disorder treatment and how I use EMDR to help.
Get rid of your scale. If you’re not ready to throw it out, give it to a friend or family member so you can’t easily access it. Part of recovering will be discovering your worth outside of the number on the scale and constantly weighing yourself at this stage likely won’t be helpful anyway.
Cleanse your social media. If you follow people who actively promote unhealthy habits and weight loss or who you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to, unfollow them. Look for people who promote balance, flexibility, rest, and listening to your body and don’t post before/after photos or “what I eat in a day” videos that include popcorn with a side of air.
It was incredibly brave of Layla to share her story with viewers and I hope she is getting the support she deserves. Like her, you are also worthy of getting help and living a full life. Reach out today if you think I could be a helpful part of your journey!
